The pencive of who i am
by Phoenix Firefly
Summary: Now I am sitting in my office at nineteen years of age, fiddling with my pensive, re-living everything that has happened to me, to us as a whole. Bear with me while I take a step back in time…


A/N: Hi guys!:) This is Harry looking inot his own pencive and reflecting on the moments that have shaped his life to where it is now.  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, i won nothing. * Oh so poverty stricken*  
  
Enjoy! plz read and review!!!  
  
  
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It was unexpected. Voldemort had been in reign for five years now. We tried to defeat him time and time again but he is still gaining strength. It has been five years since I have lost friends and alliances. It has been five years since my 5th year at Hogwarts.  
  
The Order of the Phoenix was re-established that year by Albus Dumbledore. It brought back the old crowd, except of course, my parents.   
  
It has been a long time now since my schooling years have been over. I have a job at the Ministry of Magic. I work in the Order of the Phoenix. I am an Auror.  
  
You are probably wondering where Ron and Hermione are. Hermione is great - she finished her learning course when he rest of us left it behind. She finished everything with flying colours and became dux of the year level. Ron didn't make it that far.  
  
Hermione is the first female minister of magic and she is coping well. Of course it is a hard job to be minister at a time like this, but she is pulling through.  
  
I'm leaving soon, with the other Aurors to confront Voldemort and his followers in one last challenge, some may come to their deaths. It will be a surprise attack, for nothing has happened in the last five months. It is the last alliance, for it is beginning to get hard to trust the people around you. We all had faith in the one who killed Ron, my best friend.  
  
Now I am sitting in my office at nineteen years of age, fiddling with my pensive, re-living everything that has happened to me, to us as a whole. Bear with me while I take a step back in time…  
  
1st September, 5th year  
Students flocked from all over platform 9 ¾ to get seats on the train, being re-united with their friends and foes. Ron, Hermione and I found seats together in a carriage. We were talking rapidly for I had not seen them for the whole summer.  
  
19th January, 5th year  
Voldemorts first attack on a student just outside of Hogsmeade put everyone in shock. Hermione, prefect badge gleaming, came bolting into the Three Broomsticks, breathless. Professor Snape, Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall were all seated when she rushed over to them.  
" Professor," she gasped, " Susan Bones… she is dead."  
The three Professors jumped from the table and followed Hermione who led them to the back of Zonkos Joke shop.  
There were already students gathered around in a circle; some running away; some crying. Angelina Johnson, head girl, was nursing the Hufflepuff 5th year. There were tears in her eyes.  
  
Snape and McGonagall shooed the students away except for Hermione who was soon joined by Ron and my self, when we came rushing from Honeydukes.  
" What are we going to do, Professor?" McGonagall asked worriedly.  
" I do nor know Minerva, but it is clear that what is about to happen will not go out so easily. I fear that there will be a struggle between good and evil.  
  
He was right.  
  
29th April, 5th year  
Ron Hermione and I were in the Gryffindor Common room with the others. It had been four months since the Death of Susan Bones, however, the school had not been anywhere and parts of the castle were sectioned off. Everything was now centred on the Charms corridor, DADA room, the dungeons and the Great Hall. Aurors now held residence in the castle and in the common rooms. There had never been a darker moment at Hogwarts.  
  
19th May, 5th year  
The disappearance of Professor Snapoe had the Ministry Officials searching the castle day and night and Aurors scouting all over England.  
Ron, Hermione and I knew what had happened, for we had heard about it the year before. He was a spy for Dumbledore and he had been caught. Dumbledore and the Aurors knew it too, they knew the fate of the potions master, and however, they did not stop looking.  
  
" Professor Dumbledore," Ron asked as we entered his office, " Perhaps if they do find Snape, what do you think would have… happened to him?"  
" I do not want to foreshadow the future, Mr. Weasley, and I do not want to worry you. Professor Snape knew what he had to do, and he did it twice. There was great personal risk involved and he took it with out question. I need you to know that, all three of you."  
" Then he is dead?" asked Hermione timidly.  
" I do believe so, yes."  
  
25th May, 5th year  
Ron and I were called into Dumbledores office. We entered solemnly.   
" Harry," Dumbledore said softly, no twinkle present in his eyes. " Your Muggle family has been murdered by Death Eaters on Lord Voldemorts request. This leaves you with no family to go home to in six days. We cannot leave you with your Godfather, Sirius, for he is still on the run."  
  
I looked at Ron who had gone very pale. I was just as white.   
" As a result, you will be put into a wizarding orphanage, Harry, I hate to do this to you, but you cannot stay with the Weasleys either. It would be too much for them to look after you as well."  
" What about Hermione?" I yelled in his face.  
" Miss Granger lives in the Muggle world, you will become such an easy target. You will not be going home on the Hogwarts Express this year. I shall take you to the Orphanage."  
  
31st May, 5th year  
The Morning  
All of the students flooded to Hogsmeade station to catch the Hogwarts Express back to platform 9 ¾. I waved the train off as it departed, not quite believing that I had absolutely no family left in the world. It got less then 200 metres then stopped. Dumbledore eyes grew wider when he heard screams from inside and students jumping off the train. He vanished from my side as I began to run toward the train. I ran into the compartment and pushed the sliding door open. There before me was the last thing I expected to see.  
  
Ron, lying on his back, eyes wide open and limp, the life extracted from his young body. Hermione came over to me and I hugged her, crying on each other's shoulders. Fred,. George and Ginny came down the corridor and stopped at the sight. They soon joined the two of us. We were just a bunch of crying children.  
  
31st May, 5th year  
The Afternoon  
Aurors came around and cleaned the area up, and when the Weasleys came, it all became ten times worse. Mrs Weasley was in hysterics and Mr Weasley was beyond consolable.  
  
Dumbledore took me away when Mrs Weasley started Screaming, " Its your fault, Harry! You are He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named target! He was your best friend; he was bound to get in the way! It should have been you."  
  
Dumbledore took me, shaken and feeling terrible and sat me down on the grass.  
" It isn't your fault Harry, she is just in shock. Professor McGonagall will take you to the Orphanage now. I need to settle things down here."  
  
McGonagall came over to me and took my hand and we walked back to the castle, to the fireplace in the Great Hall. Before I stepped into the flames, she grabbed my shoulder.  
" Potter… it isn't your fault – it never will be."  
  
14th June, Holidays  
I was sitting with a boy, slightly younger then myself. He had dark brown hair and eyes that could almost have been mistaken for black.  
  
This boy, Andril Jacobson was an Orphan whose parents were killed by Aurors, he went to Durmstrang. I knew that this boy was bad news but he was the only one who talked to me and took notice that I was a part of the institute. A lot of the time I wished I was still at the Dursleys, even though they treaded me badly.  
" So how many traits do you share with you know who?"  
" It doesn't matter Andril," I replied despondently.  
" I don't see why you are so upset, they were just Muggles."  
" It isn't that. I lost my best, best friend, 15 days ago; His mother said that I was to blame. I miss him, and it's kind of getting to me."  
  
21st July, Holidays.  
Dear Harry  
I'm sorry that I have not written and I hope that this letter finds you well.  
Ron's funeral was Beautiful, there were singers and an orchestra. There was a lovely Eulogy spoken by Dumbledore. Everyone who knew him was there, even McGonagall. I will take you to see his grave sometime. I hate that you were not there you deserved to be.   
Ginny say to say hello, and not to feel bad, it wasn't your fault, and she doesn't blame you. It wasn't your doing Harry, remember that. We all believe that you had nothing to do with it.  
We should meet up in Diagon Alley to collect our school supplies and books. I'll write to Dumbledore and see what he can do for you.  
All My love  
Hermione  
xxxooo  
  
Dear Hermione,  
I'm all right, although I would like to see you soon. Say Hello to Ginny and send my wishes to her. I'm not so sure about Mrs. Weasley forgiving me anytime soon; I think that she still hates me. I don't blame her though; sometimes I wish it were I.  
Andril Jacobson is befriending me here, however, I am far from convinced by him – he says that his parents were killed by Aurors, so that cannot be a good sign.  
Yes, I would very much like to get my book with you.  
Lots of love and missing you and Ron greatly/ terribly/ truly,  
Harry.  
  
31st July, My Birthday  
I sat alone on my bed, holding the photo album that Hagrid gave to me at the end of my 1st year. I am flipping the pages, staring at my departed best friend. I would get to the bottom of Ron's Murder. I will seek vengeance on who ever thought they could nock a few points off Harry Potter.  
  
I received a few presents from Sirius, Hermione, Fred, George and Ginny, Dumbledore and McGonagall. Nothing left me happy though. The Orphanage celebrated my birthday with a cake and a small gift.  
  
15th August, Holidays  
Andril came over to me, carrying a copy of the Daily Prophet. He handed it over to me.  
" I think that you might want to see this," he said quietly.  
  
I took the newspaper and looked at the cover.  
  
PROFESSORS BODY FOUND DEAD IN MASS GRAVE  
Professor Severus Snape of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was yesterday found dead in a mass grave just outside Canterbury. He had been used as a spy for Albus Dumbledore, the Headmaster but came to his death, which is predicted around three months ago.  
  
1st September, 6th year  
I met Hermione as the students entered the Great Hall. A Potions Mater had not been put in for a replacement Snape so that time was used for extra DADA, which was again taught by an Auror.  
  
Many students had left the school, leaving only half the numbers there were before. The Weasleys did not return.  
29th November, 6th year  
Sirius was waiting in Dumbledore office when I arrived. I soon learned that He had been freed, that they had found Peter Pettigrew and he was made to confess.  
  
I was now free to live with my godfather, Sirius Black, no longer an escapee-convicted criminal. Dumbledore has also explained that Sirius was going to stay in the castle and help watch over the students.  
  
31st December, 6th year   
Cursed objects began to enter the castle grounds, leaving many students badly injured and some turned to the dark side for the powers of persuasion were too hard to resist.  
  
Dumbledore, having no chose, closes the school. It is not safe for anyone, anymore.  
  
1st January, 6th year  
I go to live with Sirius in a small country house just outside of London after Dumbledore closes the school. Sirius told me that this was his house when he left school, before he was hauled away to Azkaban. I can't help but looking into his eyes and see the torment that wracks his being. I hope I never end up there.  
  
Sirius keeps leaving the house at nights, sometimes during the day. I can't help but wonder where he goes. So I followed him in my fathers invisibility cloak one night, where we walked deep into the heart of London where we entered a small dark shop. Inside a banner is hanging up at the front of the room. ' Order of Phoenix'.   
  
" So this is where he has been escaping to at night," I mutter to myself, taking a place at the back of the room, away from the large cluster of witches and wizards, waiting for it to commence.   
  
Dumbledore, looking grave and near death, stepped out onto the raised platform at the front of the room. He talked about the whereabouts of Death Eaters, occasionally pointing to a map of England with his wand. He read off a list of witches and wizards that have been reportedly caught practising dark magic.  
  
Mad Eye Moody soon stepped out on the platform next to Dumbledore.  
  
" I have some news," he said gruffly, suddenly eyeing me, when I soon remembered Mad Eyes ability to see through invisibility cloaks. " That Mr. Potter at the back may find very interesting."  
  
All heads turned to look where I would be seated, if they could see me. I knew that there was no way out of this, so I pulled the cloak off me and smiled wiry. The people turned around to look back at Mad Eye as if it was nothing out of the ordinary.  
  
" As I was saying," he continued, " I have pin pointed the murderer of Ronald Weasley."  
  
My head snapped up and my eyes narrowed, I could feel the heat rise in my skin.  
  
" Remus Lupin has been spotted on a number of occasions in dealings with Death Eaters. Only yesterday did I find this photograph presenting his Dark Mark."  
  
Sirius, who was sitting seven rows back next to Arabella Figg stood up and shouted, " No! it couldn't have been him! After all he has done for the Ministry! It could not have been him!" Arabella stood up and took him into a comforting embrace, calming him down.  
  
After the meeting was over I manoeuvred my way over to Sirius who was sitting by himself now, still in shock. I was just angry.   
  
23rd January, 6th year  
I attended the Order of Phoenix meetings for three weeks and had been accepted as a member.  
  
13th March, 6 year  
I met up with Hermione when I travelled to Oxfordshire. She had taken an advanced course to get from 6th year to the end of 7th in three months. I didn't have that drive; I found no reason to do so. I was given permission by the Ministry to use magic, so it would have been redundant to take the course. But Hermione is Hermione when it comes down to it.  
  
She had a job at the Ministry as an Official and was climbing the ranks. We met upon a number of occasions after that and I eventually confronted the Weasleys.  
  
Molly was very apologetic when she was me but was still in deep morning. I knew she wasn't capable of believing what she had said o me that day, and I know now that she hadn't meant it but at the time it was enough to make me want to kill my self.   
  
Fred and George had opened their joke shop in Diagon Alley and Ginny was learning to work in the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office like her father, Arthur. They seemed to be getting their life on track.  
  
8th May, 6th year  
An attack on the Wizarding world by the Death Eaters happened this day. There were people screaming and many were killed during the course of events. Many Aurors lost their lives to the struggle and one of those was Albus Dumbledore.   
  
Voldemort had entered the disaster area and killed so many off hand. I was badly scared by the Crutatious Curse but recovered and was released after a month in hospital. I can show you the scars if you like.  
  
10th May, 6th year  
Dumbledores funeral showed the whole Ministry turn up and mourn. He was such an influential person, but I want it know that he was, first and foremost the best wizard that had ever been born, who used his great power for great things. He never ran into battle with out a strategy or purpose. He was clam and collected when others were running wild of fright or sadness.  
  
I was unable to attend the service, but I have now seen it through Sirius' pensive. Hermione stayed with me in hospital as often as her job at the Ministry would allow. I owe so much to that girl.  
  
22nd October, 7th year  
Nothing happened for many months and things calmed down quite a lot. There had been scattered murders all over England and Europe but nothing as bad as the 8th of May. That was, until today.  
  
People talk of what would be the downfall of our secret society, hidden away from Muggles. It was as unexpected as anything else, but unlike the events that happened in May, this was more stressful and the endurance more painful. Muggles entered the Wizarding world.  
  
It was none other than Voldemorts doing to confuse the Ministry, throwing them into disarray, getting their attention focused on something else.  
  
Everyone had to leave their jobs to settle all of the commotion down and obliviate spell was cast more than once. It took two weeks to find all of the Muggles and change their memories.  
  
Cornelius Fudge was killed.  
  
3rd November, 7th year  
With Fudge gone the Ministry was again in disarray. They needed a new Minister of Magic and the next one to succeed him was Hermione Granger, whom many deemed to young. I thought it was fitting, really. Hermione deserved to be the next Minister after all the work she did ot get where she was unlike the rest of us in the year levels.   
  
9th November, 7th year  
Dear Harry;  
Stressful times at the Ministry have left me unable to meet up and have dinner with you this evening with the Weasleys. You will be all right with out me; you can leave anytime you wish.  
All My love,  
Hermione Granger  
XXXOOO  
  
That evening I set out to dinner with the Weasleys alone. The night was very quiet without Hermione dominating the conversation. Percy, Bill and Charlie were there also.  
  
When we began our meal, I asked Percy to pass the potatoes when I caught a glimpse of the Dark mark burnt into his fair arm. I stayed quiet about it though, not wanting to cause an all out war with the most decent of Wizarding families. I also didn't want to cause more havoc to the Weasleys then I have all ready done.  
  
30th November, 7th year  
Our next Order of Phoenix meeting welcomed Ginny Weasley who left the Misuse of Muggle Artefacts office to help avenge the death of her brother Ron. We were also joined by Neville Longbottom who now displays the same passion for the hunt as his parents once did. No one sees him as a silly git anymore, but as an equal player. Cho Chang joined as well much to my delight. I cannot deny that my heart still thumps a little faster whenever she is near.  
  
15th December, 7th year  
I got up the courage to ask Cho out on a date today, and in the same kind way as in my 4th year, she rejected me, saying she was dating Percy Weasley; that they had been going out for a while.  
  
16th December, 7th year  
Sometimes I forget to contain myself and let my emotions run wild. That's what happened this day.  
  
I ran right into Mad Eye's office where he was seated at his desk. He looked up at me.  
" Potter," he said gruffly, " what brings you here?"  
" It's Percy Weasley, he is a Death Eater."  
" Arthur Weasley boy huh? I'll look into for you."  
" And there is another thing," I said heatedly, knowing that I needed her out of my life if I could never have her. " It's Cho Chang, I fear she is a spy for Voldemort."  
" What makes u believe that?" Mad Eye Moody asked astounded.  
" She is dating Percy Weasley, she must know more then she lets on."  
  
20th December, 7th year  
Cho was found out, but there was something inside me that didn't particularly care whether she lived or died. It was weird, watching them haul her off kicking and screaming. It was the first moment when I thought of Snape.   
  
The way they probably killed him, all defences down with not an ounce mercy. For the first time I felt sorry for him, but he must have been really brave and was never acknowledged for the position he put himself in.  
  
Cho was sentenced for life imprisonment with Percy Weasley who I arrested when I visited the Borrow last. Mrs. Weasley didn't say anything, which made me feel even worse. That was kind of typical now a day for her. She was very quiet and subdued, if ever she has had a lively moment since the death of Ron, I have failed to see it. I just wish she had said something, it didn't even have to be nice…. Just something…  
  
25th December, 7th year  
I celebrated Christmas with Hermione, a few Aurors and Arabella Figg. Sirius and I hosted the party at our small country house.  
  
31st July, 18 years old  
It was my eighteenth birthday today. It seemed that the Wizarding world had stopped for past seven months. Nothing had happened, everyday was the same as the next, dragging on slowly by…  
  
Hermione and I decided to start dating today. I remember each word she had said to me when she described how she felt. That was the best birthday gift anyone had given me, well, except for the newest racing broom, the Mist-mingler 770 (just kidding).  
  
3rd August, 18 years old  
Ginny Weasleys capture of Draco Malfoy put Headlines all over the Daily Prophet for days. She had been working on him for a long time, secretly gathering information of his whereabouts and active ranges. She had him surrounded just outside of London where he was found torturing Muggles.   
  
Fred and George joined the Order of Phoenix and offered their joke shop in Diagon Alley as a meeting place that was well accepted by all of us. The Weasleys have served us wall this whole time; they are an incredible family.   
  
I took a long walk today and visited a few people I hadn't thought much about for a long time. I guess I could call them old friends or acquaintances; they were always there in my life. I found myself wandering the paths of the Hogsmeade Cemetery and stopping in front of a small grave that looked just as forgotten as I thought he was. There were weeds covering the tombstone that I cleared away.   
Severus Snape  
Potions Master of Hogwarts  
He showed courage at the most unlikely of times  
May he find peace in death  
  
19th September, 18 years old  
I took Hermione to Paris for a week on her birthday. You can't really spend that much time away from work when you are the Minister of Magic, but she got a correspondent to do the heavy stuff.  
  
She received an urgent call from London a day before the end of the holiday but I stayed behind, I had to get away from everything that I knew. I needed a change of scenery, even if it was just for one day.  
  
20th September, 18 years old   
I went walking though one of the forest in the early morning because I couldn't sleep. The first rays of sunlight were just glistening from in between the treetops. It was as though I surrounded myself with everything alive, and the next, with everything dead and my life turned ugly.  
  
Remus Lupin was wandering through the forest at the same time as me, a chance meeting I dare say. Many would say, ' I don't know what came over me' as a defence, but I know exactly what came over me. Anger, pure rage. This man had killed my best friend, he had killed a part of me when I was so young. I wish I could have told him that. Thinking about it now, I wish I had told him a lot of things. I wish I could have asked 'why?'.   
  
He was dead before I gave it a second though. It might have been a dog eat dog situation, but it wasn't. I found out soon enough that he had no wand. Nothing made me have an ounce of remorse for the man I just killed out of hot blood. They say that killing out of hot blood is different than killing out of cold blood. I think it is the same; a kill is a kill, no matter how you do it.  
  
I was caught and taken back to England where Hermione could not seem to be more supportive of me to my face. I know that she was truly ashamed of me.  
  
26th September, 18 years old  
I was given a trial today. I can't say that I'm really complaining, a lot of people don't get trials anymore, if your caught, your caught. I know I didn't give Percy a trial. It didn't seem fair if they gave me one. I'm ashamed to say I pleaded not guilty.  
  
Sentenced to Azkaban, just my luck. I think I was delirious at the time, because I remember nothing. The only thing I remember is the dead look on Sirius' face when I first met him was back, old Azkaban was kicking in again. I remember feeling as though I had let the world down. The boy who lived would have made his mother cry.  
  
I remember the Dementors handling me, taking a hold of me with their cold and lifeless hands. The screaming in my head. I had no voice though it was as though I was looking at my self being taken away. An out of body experience, some may call it.   
  
As they threw me in, I went out cold.  
  
30th September, 18 years old  
I was awaken by Hermione two days later.  
" Harry," she said softly, shaking the bars of his cell.  
" Hermione?" I said groggily, getting up. I walked toward her and kissed her through the bars.  
" You look a wreck already," she said looking me up and down.  
" I guess that's what Azkaban does to you. Why am I here Hermione? I'm an Auror it's my job to get rid of Death Eaters."  
" To get rid of, yes. To kill, no. You should have know better, Harry. I'm sorry but I'm not getting you out of this one."  
  
26th September, 19 years old  
It was my release day one year later. Very shaken and gaunt I came back to the world I had thought of every day, the one I had left behind. I thought of everyone I knew from cheery Professor Flickwit to Justin Finch-Fletcherly to Araballa Figg to Lucius Malfoy. I had thought of them all. But none so much as Sirius, my dear Godfather. Our confrontation was quite personal.  
  
30th September, 19 tears old  
it was hard for me as I settled back into my normal life. It's hard to say normal, for everything has been anything but since my 11th birthday. I have been sitting here feeling a wreck and not so famous anymore for quite sometime. Sirius is sitting opposite me in the living room where there is total silence. I don't think he has forgiven me for what I did. Remus was his only living friend, Death Eater or not. He is now the only living Marauder. Peter was found and killed a long time ago.  
  
" Harry," he said addressing me. I looked up at him. " Just because you are an Auror it doesn't give you the right to kill unless your life is in danger."  
  
It was the same speech I had heard a million times by a million different people. I couldn't stand that sentence anymore.  
  
" I Know!" I yelled at him, standing up and snatching my wand off the table. " I know! I've heard it all before! From Hermione, from Mad Eye, from Arabella and now you!"  
  
" Honestly, I don't know how Hermione puts up with you," he said back to me, standing up as well. " What have you become? You have been back from Azkaban for two days. How come it didn't put out the fire?"  
  
" Hermoine doesn't put up with me, that's why we broke up!" I spat savagely waving my wand around smashing more and more windows, as I got more and more mad. " And Azkaban – it was different for me then it was for you. The reality that you knew you were innocent kept you going. I know I am guilty. I spent everyday crying of loneliness, every time I thought of Remus I threw up. I felt as though I could have died in there. You know what it's like. Parts of you do die, and a lot of me will never be the same again. I'm still angry that they locked me away!"  
  
" Are you angry at yourself? Angry at me? Angry at the Aurors?"  
" I-I-I, don't talk to me!"  
" Listen to you, Harry Potter," he said to me kindly, changing his tune. " What is wrong, really?"  
  
I dropped my wand and moved over to the couch, lying down.  
  
" It hurts to think of Ron; Hermione has lost all respect for me; for a whole year I've sat in Azkaban thinking about how I feel. I hate myself just as much as I hate what I have become," I said tiredly, knowing that I was exposing my soul to him. But he is my godfather, the closest relative I have left. I love him for being there for me all the times I went astray. But I couldn't tell him that.  
  
He came over and sat on down on the couch where I was lying.   
" What can I do to help you Harry?"  
I know what I was asking was ridiculous, but I had to ask it, I had to be treated like a child again, for I felt as though I had lost my innocence through the course of events.   
  
" Rewind everything that has happened to me since the death of Cedric Diggory. Or maybe even further, to the night before my parents were killed when you stayed their secret keeper, so I have them now."  
  
" Believe me, if I could I would. But just think Harry, if your parents had not have been killed then Voldemort would still have reigned, causing a lot more deaths then necessary. Think of it not as something of regret, think of them as heroes. Your father tried to Distract Voldemort so your mother could get you out. You mother sacrificed herself to save you. You know that, you have heard it. If they had not died, then Voldemort would not have been overthrown by trying to touch you.   
  
" That is beyond my reach, to turn back time. But there is something that I believe will make you feel better."  
  
" Yeah? What's that?" I asked a little sore that he didn't treat me like a child the way I had it planned. A ruffle of the hair might have been nice, or even a pat on the arm. I guess he sees me as an adult, and I'll soon have to accept that that is what I am and what I will be for the rest of my life.  
  
" You could create one last alliance, for the Order of Phoenix against the Death Eaters, against Voldemort."  
" How could that make me feel better, the things I've done… the person I have become. If I have defeated the rise of Voldemort three times prior to this why can't I do it now?"  
" That is the simplest question I have heard all day. It's because all the other times you were doing it to keep your name as the one who defeated Voldemort, and there is also the fact that you are James Potters son," he added with a smile. Sometimes I hate it when adults get all sentimental. " Now you don't care about that. You care about the people who have floated in and out of your lives like ghosts, some have stayed to haunt your steps and the others just tagged along for the ride. You have responsibility now Harry and you can feel it getting heavier on your shoulders as the years go by. You keep getting knocked back three steps for every one you take foreword."  
  
I looked up at him and for that moment I had the utmost respect for him, the realisation flooding my veins.  
  
" The death of Susan Bones; The disappearance of Snape and his eventual death; the death of your Muggle family; you being taken to live in an orphanage; the death of Dumbledore and your unable to attend his funeral; Muggles entering the wizard world; Cornelius Fudge killed and Hermione taking over his position; Cho and Percy being locked away in Azkaban and you soon joining them. But I fear most of all the death of Ron is effecting you in more ways then one. A best friend becomes a part of you forever. I know this Harry, I carry James around with me wherever I go, and I have some of his personality in my blood. There isn't a day I don't think of him. We shared something so special that there is absolutely no replacement for him. So you have to do this. You have to show the world that Harry Potter, The boy who lived the first time will indeed live again and he will prove to himself and everyone who despises Voldemort that one person can change the world."  
  
6th October, 19 years old  
I entered Fred and Georges joke shop for the latest meeting that I called together through the help of Mad Eye Moody. Everyone was seated as I got up and began to speak to them, not quite sure what to say to let them know that they can trust me as they once did. I felt as though I could throw up right there in front of everyone, I saw Remus Lupin's face lingering in the back of my eyes.  
  
" Alright listen up," I began. I could feel my voice trembling as the three words spilled from my lips. " These Death Eaters are getting out of control, as is Voldemort. I know that what I have done in the past has been incredibly stupid, but it is our pasts that build us to who we become in the future. I have learnt to become strong and deal with the decisions that I make. For fives years now I have made wrong decisions at crucial turning points. But you must listen to me now. With the support of Sirius Black and Mad Eye Moody I am forming a last alliance of us as Aurors to confront them one last time, to subdue the Death Eaters and destroy Voldemort."  
Everyone was quiet as my last words were absorbed into their ears.   
  
Sirius stepped forward. " For all of you will be involved please write your name here," he said presenting a large piece of Parchment. I felt like adding, ' and your death wish and Gringotts key and number,' but I held my tongue.  
  
…  
  
Now that parchment sits in front of me, one week later it has the names of all the Ministry Aurors; all of us untied under the Phoenix, and the ordinary people who lived their normal lives until Tom Marvolo Riddle decided he wanted to rule the Wizarding world and more.  
  
My name sits at the top of the list and I have never felt more hopeful – and probably wont for a very long time, once this is over.   
  
Like I mentioned before, many are going to die, some may even cripple under the pressure and turn to the dark side like so many before. But this I know not yet. Only the fate knows what is in store for me and the future of our last alliance. 


End file.
